Thursday 8 October 2015

Can my Husband / Boyfriend Rape Me? - Sexual Abuse in Relationships

Is it possible for my husband to rape me? Is it still considered rape if my husband does it? Is it possible for my husband to force himself on me? Can I report my husband for rape?


What is rape?

"Rape occurs when sexual intercourse is not agreed upon, or a person forces another person to have sex against his or her will. It can also occur when the victim is intoxicated. It includes intercourse in the vaginaanus, or mouth and is a felony offence. “With this being said, - yes you can be raped by your husband or someone you are in a serious relationship.

How is it possible for my husband to rape me?


Marriage or any other serious commitment DOES NOT mean you are owned by your partner or lose all claim to your body. You still have rights one of which is to say NO. Sex shouldn't be forced or demanded but a voluntary act which two people both want at any given time. If you are forced, manipulated or drugged in order to have sex with someone, you are in an abusive relationship.

Rape by anyone (your husband included) is a crime and can be reported and punished.

If I don't have sex with my husband will he cheat on me?

He may or may not. You know your husband better than anyone else and you know what he is capable of. In a marriage or any other committed relationship there are compromises. Withholding sex from your husband for no good reason - to manipulate him, punish him or control him is wrong and could backfire (yes your husband could cheat on you or a number of any other things depending on the kind of person he is).

If you are withholding sex for legitimate reasons (you're ill, recovering from childbirth, surgery or have been advised to abstain from sex for any other medical reason, or have lost your libido due to depression or anything else outside of your control, are feeling neglected or were cheated on by your husband already and don't feel comfortable having sex with him yet), then he should be understanding enough to be patient with you and not resort to extramarital affairs justifying it by the fact that you wouldn't have sex with him.

No matter the reason for withholding sex, infidelity SHOULD NEVER be the answer. If you have to fear that your husband will have sex with someone else if you don't have sex with him for any reason after all then you are being emotionally blackmailed into having sex with him in any case (which is somehow forced) and should reassess your relationship. Do you want to be married to someone who would look for any reason or excuse to cheat on you?


What do I do if my husband rapes / raped me?

- If you feel that your incident may have been due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication (which is highly unlikely), consider talking to your husband and / or getting couples counselling
- Depending on the extent of the abuse, contact your nearest police department and enquire about making a statement
- You can get a protection order if you fear for your safety

Where can I get help?

You can obtain help from your nearest police station

You can call their FREE Help Line on - 800.656.HOPE (4671)

If you are in South Africa: You can visit the Life Line Website
You can call a number of FREE Help Lines on - 0861-322-322 or 011 728 1347 or 0800-150-150. 
If you are under 18 you can call 08000 55 555 as well.

You can call FREE help lines on: (08) 9340 1828 / 1800 199 888

You can call the Rape Crisis national Freephone helpline on 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm every day of the year) 

No matter where you are in the world you can visit the following websites for help and support:



No comments:

Post a Comment